schplog

Ha! O for Olaf is the greatest. Since I can’t best him at tea puns, I will just offer Ted Haggard (and boy is he ever) a hot cup of …

Promiscui-tea

If you know what I mean ….

There is a certain kind of dessert and accompanying beverage that is appropriate when one has sinned and been forgiven. We at the schplog would like to serve up a plate of this to our favorite sinner.

If you don’t know to whom we refer, we direct you to the words of Dan Savage: “Hey, everybody: By now, you’ve no doubt heard the news that America’s favorite crystal-meth-snorting, male-escort-blowing evangelical Christian pastor is cured!”

Now that he’s back on the straight and narrow (the pastor, not Dan) we would like to offer him dessert:

Humble Piety

(Humble Pie + Tea if you’re a slow’un)

I recently read a report in the Washington Post regarding new research that has uncovered evidence that tea drinking both existed and was exceedingly popular in ancient times. I asked my upstairs neighbor who is a classicist if there was anything to support these findings.

He said, of course. Why do you think they call it antiqui-tea?

Days of yore mama!!!

A taste of what kind of tea induced a spell among the nation’s leaders and led them to embrace the doctrine of Manifest Destiny?

It was a sense of divini-tea.

What kind of tea do you drink when you want to be left alone?

And I am not a sensitive little bunny, just a shy little bunny.

Anonymi-tea

What kind of tea makes you grow huge purple scales?

Monstrosi-tea

But it’s pretty hard to come by. You might say that it’s a rari-tea.

You know why? Due to the bizarre way that it functions, it has essentially become a scarci-tea

What kind of tea hits the spot when you’ve just stubbed your toe and walked into a wall?

Obsceni-tea #@*&!

Which variety of tea is completely ineffective for weight loss purposes?

Enormi-tea

What kind of tea bestows upon you the ability to see things for what they are?

Clari-tea

Why do you keep running off to the loo? What kind of tea is this anyway?

Filled-to-capaci-tea