schplog

“Why, this fast-working healthy organic liquid tastes just like it was made of trees,” barked Tom.

Which Tom? Tom Swift-tea.

I have written a little song in honor of the man who I imagine might have once upon a time invented the alphabet.

Here’s the chorus:

He’s a beekeeper with a capital bee;
A sea captain with a capital sea;
A teetotaller with a capital tea;
What a bloody great chap is he (is he).

What kind of tea helps you think faster when you’re doing figures, and still burdens you with the weight of what you’re doing?

Accountabili-tea

(It goes well with Responsibili-tea)

Did you know, there is an obscure form of tea leaf that could, conceivably, cause you to think more slowly than normally? Of course, one wonders if that were even possible.
Have you been drinking any Imbecili-tea lately?

I can’t believe you fell for that. Maybe you should think about cutting down on your intake of Increduli-tea.

What kind of tea tastes like jelly and is favored by athletes?

Agili-tea.

What do you call tea that is so special you can only drink it once a year?

Annui-tea

Ah knew a tea once, but she only drank decaf. Said it fit her to a tea.

What kind of tea does one drink on a deserted beach?

Nudi-tea.

What kind of tea is consumed by families of contortionist circus performers to stay in shape (primarily the nieces and the uncles, of course)?

Flexibili-tea (primarily for the knees and the ankles, of course)

What type of decaffineited tea is great as an antidote for dehydration?

Fluidi-tea

Have you ever wondered where mice keep their assets?

In a swiss account (”3rd hole from the left, my good man”)

But of course they never talk about their finances, since mouse culture deems it impolite. They just sit awkwardly in the drawing room at tea time, looking at their paws and coughing politely, drowsy and constrained by the effect of social miceties.