schplog

What do you call a historian of gang warfare, specializing in the graffiti marks and symbols of west coast gangs?

A Crip-tographer.

Strolling through the park today I stumbled across (not literally of course) a somewhat dandified squirrel. He carried a cane (oak) and wore his hair in bangs. All in all he was acting really rather odd, running up and down trees at a frightful pace, and then hiding suspiciously in the shrubbery or doing an impression of a statue.

Squirrely with a fringe on top!

How hard is it to cook meat on a stick, you ask. Not very. You’ll want meat, of course. And a stick. And some cayenne pepper, maybe some garlic and some homemade tomato sauce to go with it. Just turn up the heat and kebab’s your uncle.

I tried to distill gin in my sink, but it was sloe going.

I have always been pretty shy and disinclined to speak to others but lately I’ve taken a taciturn for the worse.

*In fact, so much so that I didn’t even feel obliged to turn this post into a shaggy schplog joke.

The Gentleman sighed as he entered the drawing room. As he glanced wearily about the disheveled premises he grasped at a nearby sturdy Pole for support. Why was it so difficult to retain reliable Domestics in these times? He trod briskly across the rumpled Persian lying on the floor and – shooing off a sleepy Siamese – collapsed into the sofa. As he lifted his heavy boots to rest upon a well padded Ottoman, he draped an elaborately embroidered Afghan across his sturdy shoulders and loosened his Thai. Summoning a fragrant Cuban from the hidden chest in the wall, the Gentleman began to relax. The Domestic situation was perhaps not so bad as all of that, after all. He struck a match and raised his tall pink Highball glass in a Toast: There will always be an England!

You can lead a horse to a sewing machine but that doesn’t make it so.

Sneezing loudly is the gesundheit of rudeness.

To my way of thinking  it is gesundheit time you got over it.

You never really expectorate to spit out a good schplog.

Here’s a new game for all you schploggers. It’s called Qui Imperator? (That’s “Which Emperor” for any non-LSP). (LSP = Latin Speaking Person).

Which Emperor made all the girls cry when he was in pre-school?

Taesar (rhymes with Caesar)

Which Emperor is famous for discovering a blood-clotting agent?

Coagula

Which Emperor was actually a philosophy professor at NYU?

Disgutus

Now it’s your turn!