schplog

“I certainly am

ravenous for birds,” quoth Tom

Poe-etically

“Walden Pond candles;

They annoy me thoreau-ly”,

said Tom wick-edly.

“I was wondering;

Is that the beast within?” said

Tom Hesse-tantly

“I finally read

Finnegan’s Wake again,” said

Tom rejoyceingly.

“Why yes, Virginia!

I’d like a room of my own,”

Said Tom Woolfishly.

“Pride and Prejudice

Is my favorite book,” said Tom

Ostentatiously.

“Shakespeare is the best!

I really dig his sonnets,”

Said Tom willfully.

Senior (by which we mean old) Schplog officials have been reporting a recent outbreak of especially bad celebrity-related puns popping up in restaurant menus. And by bad we don’t mean good.

Seen in a pasta joint in San Antonio, TX by one intrepid Schplog associate: “Mack the Knife-aroni and Cheese”.

Why would one stretch the limits of schploggery and punnery when a more obvious celebrity macaroni pun presents itself. Namely, the “Mickey Rooney and Cheese”.

Then ask the waitress if they also serve macaroons with that …

Ha!

And don’t forget to ask if they can seat you in the John Wilkes Booth ….

Do you ever have a longing for a nice Gouda lager or Chevre stout? Have you ever wondered, “Why don’t they brew dairy more?”

There has been a good deal of fuss in recent years in the news and on the blogs about the stereotypical roles that African-American actors play in film.

The film Monster’s Ball was criticized for its portrayal of a black woman who — though not the stereotypical role of drug addict or prostitute — was still somehow a cardboard cutout. The arguments for this were that character Leticia Musgrove had 1. been married to a criminal on death row, 2. she was an alcoholic working in a coffee shop and 3. she had a morbidly obese son who later dies, though not from obesity.

However, upon closer examination of other characters played by well known black actresses, it becomes clear that this third point is absurd. In fact, not all that many of black female characters played by the actress in question have dependents who die at all. In fact, the most obvious complaint about both Jungle Fever and Strictly Business is that not nearly enough people die.

You have to ask yourself, why doesn’t Halle Bury more?