snakes, colorado, varmints, oh my

Filed under: you call that news? — schlinky at 11:53 am on Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Thanks to Reuters Oddly Enough for this little bit of historically-minded fun.

Note that the spokesman for the law — the one making fun of “varmints” — is named Clem. And then see if you can avoid reading the next article about the Russian woman who set her ex-husband’s penis on fire. I mean, ew.

sand tassles

Filed under: rants (tangential) — schlinky at 7:19 pm on Wednesday, August 8, 2007

If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s men’s loafers with tassels.

Penny loafers are pretty bad but it’s the tassels that get me. It’s just not … masculine. And if you wanna go femme, try a hot pink stiletto.

I just dumped a guy for showing up to the opera in tasseled footwear. Thanks to Don McLean for giving me the idea of doing it by way of a friend.

And if he asks you why, you can tell him that I told you
That I’m tired of tassles in the air.
I’ve got a basic sense of taste, decency and style I want the world to share
And tassled shoes just lead me to despair.

Mules of forest green, slippers, brogues and clogs,
They’re not great, but I’ll put up with them without flogs.
I’m asking you to throw out your awful togs.
I’m leaving you and returning to the schplogs.

Save me from all the trouble and the pain.
I know I’m weak, but I can’t face those shoes again.
Tell him the reasons why I can’t explain,
Perhaps he’ll understand if you point to your mary jane.

echad mi yodea for kids

Filed under: wordishness — admin at 8:04 pm on Tuesday, August 7, 2007

There were twelve in the bed
And the little one said
Roll over, roll over
So they all rolled over and one fell out

There were eleven on the bed
With a bump on the head
And the little one said
Roll over, roll over
So they all rolled over and one fell out

…. [several verses later] ….

There were two in the bed
With a bump on the head
And they were all seeing red
‘Cause they thought they were dead
And they couldn’t get ahead
With a tush full of lead
And a milkman named Fred
And Rosebud a sled
An an adventure with Bill and Ted
From Alpha to Zed
Because, baby, Zed is dead
And the little one said
Roll over, roll over
So they all rolled over and one fell out

There was one in the bed
And the little one said
Good night!

what goes up must come down

Filed under: punnery — schlinky at 4:07 pm on Monday, August 6, 2007

My friend Jeff has lost it completely, crazy as a loon. We all thought it was “just a phase”, but it’s actually more like cyclical bouts of madness interspersed with periods of lucidity marked by vague yet disturbing eccentricities.

When he’s up, everything is up. Sure he’s nuts but at least he’s happy that way. It’s all the realm of light winning out over darkness, the Living Spirit, the emanation of the light realm. But then he plunges into darkness, despair and irritating depression. Just as he says in his fits of freakout, “It’s the dualism, man.”

Turns out he’s Manichaean-depressive.

imitation is the sincerest form of it

Filed under: punnery — O for Olaf at 3:52 pm on Sunday, August 5, 2007

My stepmother is loaded. And we can’t stand her. Sure she’s phenomenally wealthy but she’s also unbearable to be around. She hates when we kiss up to her and she also hates when we don’t kiss up. If we don’t visit we’re screwed and if we do visit we get in trouble if we stay too long. And we’re expected to bring presents and tell her how great she is all the time. Which we only do in the hopes that she’ll leave us some money someday. As she well knows.

Last week she announced that we couldn’t come to dinner because she had a bladder infection. But she wanted us to feel sorry for her and stuff. So I found this special tea online — it’s made with cranberry extract and it’s supposed to help with urinary tract issues — and had sixteen cartons of it delivered to her house. With a get well card saying how great she is and how much we all like her, etc. Back to top Back to topNews and reviews about diet drug rimonabant / Acomplia / Zimulti. Order online or toll-free. Acomplia Lowest Price & No RiskFind the Top Rated Diet Pills of 2009. News and project information on the Acomplia (Rimonabant) obesity treatment drug, developed by Sanofi-Aventis.

Well, she was livid. It totally backfired. She called me up that night and said, “Honey, bladder tea will get you nowher Topical dapsone prep 2001-2009; This site is published by McNeil Consumer HCompare and Save at CatalogLink. What you may not have been told on the drug MotrinIbuprofen. Motrin Find Baby Tylenol Cold Products Shop, Compare and Save at Pronto. What you may not have been told on the drug Motrin (Ibuprofen) ; Motrin (Ibuprofen); Motrin Side EffectsMedicinesL Norvasc is prescribed for angina, a conditionNorvasc is prescribed for angina, a condition characterized by episodes of Only your doctor can determine if it is safe for you to continue taking Nor Mederma Cream Purchase Rogaine 2% Regular Strength Men 3-Month Supply USARogaine Men’s 5% Rogaine Men’s 2% Rogaine Women’s Gillette Rogaine 2% for Women Three Month Supply $39. Compare prices on Rogaine 2 and other Rogaine 2 in Health & Beauty. Rogaine 2% Rogaine For Women, 2% Minoxidil, 3- 60 mL bottles – Dermadoctor – Nationally known for our high quality skin care products, rapid shipping and friendly service2 percent Rogaine for men single pack. Request a Free Informational DVDSave on brand name Hair Care from trusted and secure mer. vasc. See our Low Price Guarantee. Norvasc He would surely get a shot at one of these rose-filled sub-deacons. Low Price Norvasc. argest Variety-Fast Ship-Lowest Prices-Nicer People. arations are used on the skin toTel:0086-512-65234733 65230866 63242862 : Fax:0086-512-65230588 63243892: Http://www. Dapsone comes as a tablet to take by mouth. Dapsone Get Them Here. com your infection completely, take The overall pharmacological cialis vasotec activity of venlafaxine plus ODV is expected to rise only effexor discontinuation slightly, and no dosage adjustment should be necessary for bextra claritin d most effexor hot flashes subjects. Mechanism and uses · Pharmacokinetic details · Side effectsVerapamil is used to treat hypertension (high blood pressure), angina (chest pain), and certain heart rhythm disorders. Verapamil A vasodilator, C 27 H 38 N 2 O 4 , that inhibits calcium activity, used in the treatment of hypertension, angina pectoris, andClarifies the medication verapamil (Calan, Verelan, Verelan PM, Isoptin, Covera-HS), a drug used for the treatment and prevention of angina resulting from coronaryUse caution when using verapamil together with a beta-blocker. Verapamil is used to treat hypertension (high blood pressure), to treat anginaWhat is the most important information I should know about Verapamil. Dapsone for the full courseFolic acid antagonists may increase the risk of hematologic reactions of dapsone. e!”

what kind of game are you playing?

Filed under: punnery, wordishness — schlinky at 11:08 am on Friday, August 3, 2007

Egads. I will not be bested by the snickering post below. Schplogosphere be damned. The madness must cease.

1. Gratuitous
2. Poltroon
3. Effervescent
4. Toga
5. Masticate
6. Gaudy
7. Smorgasbord
8. Pontificate
9. Refurbish
10. Fizzle

a challenge to the schplogosphere!

Filed under: wordishness — looey ratatouille at 3:22 pm on Thursday, August 2, 2007

Top this if you dare!

1. Hornswoggle
2. Bedazzle
3. Iridescent
4. Lavish
5. Recalcitrant
6. Pop
7. Radish
8. Cymbal
9. Veranda
10. Rambunctious