An Englishman, an Austrian and a German are the lone survivors of a shipwreck and make their way to a deserted island. The Englishman has hurt his leg, the Austrian has a bump on the head and the German is suffering from amnesia.
The Englishman says to his companions, “Oh, woe is me.”
The Austrian stumbles around and says, “Whoah is me.”
The German looks at the other two and says, “Nein, wo sind wir!”
Oh my god! That last post was so much fun that I went ahead and created a whole new schplog category for the sole purpose of schplogging old movies and recasting them for the remake. I know it’s not related to our main thing of punnery and frivolity and such, but oh the fun!
Okay, here goes.
Movie night for the schploggers with another free download from the fabulous Internet archive and tasteless virtual popcorn.We watched Happy Go Lovely (1951). Which you can watch here . . .
Boy oh boy, it was great! David Niven. Sexy Betty & Veronica outfits a la Archie comics. Slightly dorky humor. Dancing. What more do we want from a film?
Here are our suggestions for the recast for the 2008 remake of that potentially fabulous film:
Hugh Grant as B.G. Bruno, the bumbling-but-cute nerd of a millionaire.
Naomi Watts as the super sweet long-legged good girl chorus girl Janet Jones
George Clooney as the leering manager Frosty (Cesar Ramero in the original)
Bob Balaban as Charley the neurotic stage manager
Ewan McGregor as the drunk Scottish reporter
And Schplog queen Drew Barrymore as the girl who keeps tripping over Frosty in the halls.
Still clueless as to who could play Mae, the fast-talking best girlfriend. Any ideas?
Schplog movie night: as usual a free download from the Internet archive and tasteless virtual popcorn.
We watched The Gorilla (1939). Which you can watch here . . .
Here’s our suggestions for the recast for the 2008 remake of that potentially fabulous film:
Anthony Hopkins as Uncle Werner
Schplog queen Drew Barrymore as the wealthy niece
Ben Stiller as the bride-groom to be
Vince Vaughn and Luke/ Owen Wilson as the three bumbling detectives
John Turturro as the creepy butler.
Lisa Kudrow as the loudmouth maid.
Tony Shalhoub as the slick guy who turns out to be the non-fake gorilla.
Tim Blake Nelson as the owner of the real gorilla
Our latest interweb find — it’s the philosophical abecedarium! Each letter of the alphabet is a different philosopher, and there is a limerick for each one. The schploggers are totally jealous for not having thought of it first.
No, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true!
Never mind that. One of our favorites is “C is for Confucious”
Kung-fu-tzu, a native of Lu,
Always knew just the right rite to do,
For beneath the Zhou banner
And between mind and manner
Is revealed the one way that is true.
You can read the rest at:
http://homepage.mac.com/jholbo/abecedarium/
Wow, Schlinky. I was really moved by your sad yurt-related break-up story. That’s rough, man.
Of course now they’re getting kind of passe anyway now that everyone in the pacific northwest has a yurt in their backyard. Good grief, who ever thought that a semi-portable, cloth-covered, wood-framed home would become a yuppie trend?
My buddy Jim D. was saying the other day that nowadays having a big ole tent/sauna/meditation room in your backyard is pretty much the same as owning an SUV.
I was like, yurt telling me.
Speaking of yurts, my sometimes-boyfriend Steve and I took a yurt-building course together a couple of years ago. He’s a born perfectionist, a total stickler for doing everything according to the rules. And I’m more of the “let’s be creative and innovate our heads off” school of thought. So, to put it mildly, we didn’t really agree on the finer points of yurt building.
And after that we kind of pretty much went our separate ways. He joined some off-the-grid ashramified community and I took off for South America to visit some ancient ruins and get inspired.
Later though, we decided we could still be friends, and he even took a trip down to visit me so he could check out the tent houses I was building, and give me back my favorite sweatshirt and a couple Bob Dylan CDs.
Of course he completely freaked out when he saw what I had built and was furious that I had “done away with” what he called “the traditional Mongolian way of life.” I mean, as if. I took the sweatshirt and the CDs of course, but I was like, “Dude, what’s not Yurts is Mayan.”
Grr, I had something funny to say about yurts, but then I forgot. And anyway there are apparently already a couple of yurt-related schplogs in the queue. God, is that how you spell q? I can’t mind my ps and qs.
Mind yer pa. Not yer Ps and Qs.
That’s funny that you should just write about yurts. I must tell you about the all-time best tagline for a yurt business: “If you are not in a Yurt, you must be Square.”
(I’m not making this up — www.yurts-r-us.com)
Boy, are they clever. We should hire them to schplog for us. Or at the very least to come up with a better tagline for the schplog. How about, “If you are not a flirt, you must not be Baudelaire.”
Whaddya think?
You can build your suburban sprawl til the cows come home.
But I’m going to build my Yurt til the Turtle comes home.
Overheard in St. Louis . . .
“I betcha you’ll never come up with a name for your ice cream parlor.”
“Oh yeah? I sure as heck will!”
“You couldn’t come up with a name if ya tried.”
“Oh yeah? Can too.”
“Go on, try it. I double dog dare ya.”
“That’s it. The Double Dog Dairy. Thanks.”
