fear of -heits
Sneezing loudly is the gesundheit of rudeness.
To my way of thinking it is gesundheit time you got over it.
out of the pan and into the fire
According to the Times, it seems that in Morocco one may file for divorce based on culinary incompatibility. Moreover it is quite common for Moroccan women to file for divorce citing specific culinary disagreements. What on earth would constitute a “culinary disagreement”, you ask.
Oh, silly things like an argument about how much garlic to use or the proper use of a wooden spoon. Things just get out of hand, tempers rise and unforeseen words are shouted in the heat of the moment. Next thing you know the dishes are flying and divorce papers are being filed. A common complaint among the women is lack of appreciation on the man’s part of her prowess in the kitchen.
“Complain, complain. It’s either too soft or too hard. He is never pleased,” housewife Jamila M reported. “I just can’t take any more of this verbal abuse-cous-cous!”
to “bleep”, perchance to offend
Oh yeah? You and what army? Behold thy mirror, thou bootless milk-livered moldwarp!
Schplog rejoices at this chance to create choice Shakespearian insults, using blues musician Pete Levin’s nifty Shakespearian Insult Generator tool. Try it out (not on us) right HERE!
The very next time someone says to you, “Say, what gives?” you should have a suitably snooty comeback instead of just shaking your fist and mumbling, “Why I …”
It became known as the “toe-ga”
Which Emperor wore a neck-to-toe garment from embarrassment over the hideous spotted birthmark which covered his entire body?
Dalmatian
mickey rooney beats mac the knife in pasta contest
Senior (by which we mean old) Schplog officials have been reporting a recent outbreak of especially bad celebrity-related puns popping up in restaurant menus. And by bad we don’t mean good.
Seen in a pasta joint in San Antonio, TX by one intrepid Schplog associate: “Mack the Knife-aroni and Cheese”.
Why would one stretch the limits of schploggery and punnery when a more obvious celebrity macaroni pun presents itself. Namely, the “Mickey Rooney and Cheese”.
Then ask the waitress if they also serve macaroons with that …
Ha!
And don’t forget to ask if they can seat you in the John Wilkes Booth ….
Magister Ludi
Here’s a new game for all you schploggers. It’s called Qui Imperator? (That’s “Which Emperor” for any non-LSP). (LSP = Latin Speaking Person).
Which Emperor made all the girls cry when he was in pre-school?
Taesar (rhymes with Caesar)
Which Emperor is famous for discovering a blood-clotting agent?
Coagula
Which Emperor was actually a philosophy professor at NYU?
Disgutus
Now it’s your turn!
Milk it for all it’s worth
Do you ever have a longing for a nice Gouda lager or Chevre stout? Have you ever wondered, “Why don’t they brew dairy more?”
actually the fennel flavored ones are best
I tried to pour a bottle of those spearmint miniature laughing hyenas — you know, the kind that tell bawdy jokes — into a larger container using a funnel.
Funnelly enough, it didn’t work.
triskaidekaphobia: say, what gives?
It’s Friday the 13th and all through the house;
not a creature is stirring; not even a black cat chasing a mouse.
Because unless you’re a triskaidekaphobe, you don’t care. Triskaidekaphobia is a superstitious fear that crazy people have of the number 13. A specific fear of Friday the 13th – held by especially loony people – is called paraskavedekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia.
The word is made up of a bunch of Greek parts and everyone knows they were mad as hatters.
Tris = “three”, kai = “and”, deka = “ten” (thus thirteen), + phobia, “fear, flight”. There you have it.
Nutty as the ancient Greeks were, though, the word is actually a modern formation, first appearing in 1911 in I.H.Coriat’s Abnormal Psychology. Speaking of wackjobs.
(Read on …)
