schplog

Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair;
Said Simple Simon to the pieman, “Who is that naked man there?”
Said the pieman to Simple Simon, “Why, the emperor is bare!”
Said Simple Simon to the pieman, “He ought to use more Nair.”

The pieman replied to Simple Simon, “Tee hee! That’s more than I would dare.”
Said Simple Simon to the pieman, “And he looks like Tony Blair!”
Said the pieman to Simple Simon, “Mais oui, extraordinaire!”
And to the pieman Simon said, “Well, he is a billionaire.”

Said the pieman to Simple Simon, “You know, t’isn’t very nice to stare!”
But Simple Simon told the pieman, “Oh, he earned that nasty glare!”
The pieman retorted, “I notice you’re fully dressed and none the worse for wear.”
Simple Simon laughed and said, “Well, if you must, your clothes look sort of square!”

The pieman laughed at Simon and said, “Oh darling, au contraire!”
Simon looked confused and asked, “Are you quoting Baudelaire?”
The pieman changed the subject and said, “I can dance like Fred Astaire.”
“I’d accompany you,” said Simple Simon, “I’ve castanets but alas no snare.”

“Won’t you have a pie,” offered the pieman. “Please come into my lair.”
Said Simple Simon to the pieman, “I hate pies. Got an eclair?”
The pieman said, “I’ve peach tart and apple custard, but won’t you try the pear?”
Said Simple Simon to the pieman, “Now we’d make quite the pair!”

The pieman said, “I’ll give you one of each and then you won’t have to share.”
Said Simple Simon to the pieman, “honey, you make your pies with flair.”
The pieman said, “are you hitting on me? You gave me quite the scare.”
Said Simple Simon in reply, “Oh, for goodness sakes, you brought up Fred Astaire!”

Said the pieman to Simple Simon, “That really isn’t fair!”
“Oh, come,” said Simon to the pieman, “It’s the seller’s duty to be aware.”
“Not at all,” said the pieman to Simple Simon, “I haven’t got a care;
In Latin we say caveat emptor — the buyer had better beware!”