they have a state bird too
Hey, did you know that one of the more conservative midwestern states actually has an official kitchen aid?
The Whisk on Sin.
(Thoug I much prefer Ohio’s motto: “sweep it under the rug”)
nothing is funny
The disciple asked the Buddha: “Tell me, what is your favorite movie?”
The Buddha answered, “Groundhog Day“.
The disciple thought for a minute in silence and then asked hesitantly, “Because of Andie MacDowell?”
The Buddha answered, “Because it is an off-beat karmady”.
The disciple asked: “Is that like a screwball karmedy?”
The Buddha answered: “Absolutely not”.
new and improved WAYS to tell people to get lost
Outta my curds and whey!
Get out of my side-of-the-freeway highway-patrol-run weigh station!
Out of my wait-wait-don’t-tell-me!
a majestic pain in the Q&A
Which knight of the round table wasn’t very keen on offering up personal information?
Survey (survey iz mir. oy.)
Anyway, we asked the Schploggers to fill out some basic get-to-know you questionnaires to help us come up with a better picture of the average schplogger. Unfortunately this was no help. Here are some of the questions and answers from one of the forms — maybe you can get more out of this than we can. Grrrrrrr.
What is your favorite color?
Magenta
What is your favorite name?
Madge
Favorite word?
Ente, German for duck
The word you hate most?
Magenta
Favorite game
Mahjongg
What one thing would you bring with you to a desert island?
My magenta colored sweatpants
Anything about your family history we should know?
Direct descendent of Ferdinand Magellan
Please describe your most embarrassing moment.
Discovering that ma was a gent. Uh ……
Do you have a preferred political system?
Majority rules
Favorite spice?
Marjoram
Favorite spice girl?
Uh …
What is your favorite book?
The Color Purple, by Alice Walker
sorry, what kind of tea was that?
Have you ever wondered where mice keep their assets?
In a swiss account (”3rd hole from the left, my good man”)
But of course they never talk about their finances, since mouse culture deems it impolite. They just sit awkwardly in the drawing room at tea time, looking at their paws and coughing politely, drowsy and constrained by the effect of social miceties.
he’s a what?!
Worst job ever (an honor held most recently by Shelby Q. Winsdale of Sandy Beach, FL):
Pulmonary agronomist (yuck)!
How embarrassing. I feel bad for his kids.
but why not the hoosegow?
The dusty white bird silently strapped on a pair of bandoliers, and checked the action on his trusty sixguns. A rivulet of sweat ran slowly down his bill. The sun was high in the western sky, and it was almost as hot here in Tombstone as it had been back in Morocco, where this feud had begun so many years before. No matter. The showdown was finally about to begin, right out on Main Street.
But just as he burst out onto the wooden porch of his creaky hotel, the local lawman intercepted him.
“Well,” said the sheriff, squinting in the glare, “hold up there, pardner. We don’t allow waterfowl to carry guns in this here town, ’specially no-account, immoral furriners such as yourself. I guess you know what I’m a gonna do.”
And without another word he was locked up…
in the loose-goose-calaboose-couscous.
go jump over the moon!
“Oh, that old Bossy…
Who cares if she ran away?”
said Tom cow-lessly
franz franz the muffin man
little known german nursery rhyme
Dieter Dieter munchkin eater
Had a fife but couldn’t peep her
He threw it in the munchkin well
and there it grew a tortoise shell
