schplog

We on the schplog wish to take a moment to officially celebrate — nay, inaugurate — this 100th schplog post. May it live to 120. Or 120,000. Or whatever one wishes a blog on its first milestone.

In honor of this historic schplog — this momentous occasion in the grand yet sometimes mundane epoch of schplogging — we commit to taking a moment of silence and not saying anything amusing. Note that there are no puns in this post. None whatsoever. That’s how serious we are.

Long live Herbert Hoover, Doris Day and the U.S. Mint! Huzzah!

I recently read a report in the Washington Post regarding new research that has uncovered evidence that tea drinking both existed and was exceedingly popular in ancient times. I asked my upstairs neighbor who is a classicist if there was anything to support these findings.

He said, of course. Why do you think they call it antiqui-tea?

Days of yore mama!!!

Listen, I WAS planning to cook that romantic middle eastern meal for us but I missed the bus and then the dog ate my recipe so I had to go to the Stork Club and that’s why I have lipstick on my collar, see?

I know, I know, it’s a lame excuse-couscous.

A taste of what kind of tea induced a spell among the nation’s leaders and led them to embrace the doctrine of Manifest Destiny?

It was a sense of divini-tea.

What kind of tea do you drink when you want to be left alone?

And I am not a sensitive little bunny, just a shy little bunny.

Anonymi-tea

Which knight was always late to the Round Table, cranky, grouchy and irritable after a long long night of mead quaffing and unsuccessful wench pursuit?

Surly!

When George Bush was just a lad, the chickens he raised for the county fair were cursed with a bizarre acne problem — it was a puzzle he just couldn’t solve, and one whose peculiar echoes dog his political footsteps even today.

Then, as now, he lacked a clear Egg-zit Strategy.

snarfling n.

1. The act of snuffling into someone’s neck while engaged in snuggling.

Helmut is quite the noisy little snarfler.

2. The act of scarfing down matzah farfel on passover.

I must have snarfled three bowls this morning. What I wouldn’t do for a bagel.

What kind of tea makes you grow huge purple scales?

Monstrosi-tea

But it’s pretty hard to come by. You might say that it’s a rari-tea.

You know why? Due to the bizarre way that it functions, it has essentially become a scarci-tea