a pox on both your houses
What do you call an annoying Hungarian monk who follows you around Eastern Europe in his orange robes and talks your ear off about Acceptance?
a Buddha pest
five six, pick up chicks
Wanna go see a famous play about a chicken?
It’s called “No Eggsit”
(It’s funny if you’re an absurdist, though not if you’re an eggsistentialist)
The accent is on the rogue
Eccentrogue n.
1. Contraction of “eccentric” and “rogue”.
Howard Hughes: the ultimate eccentrogue. Unless of course you count Henry VIII.
2. A suspicious smelling Etrog (citron or fruit-like thing used by Jews on the festival of Sukkot).
Chief Inspector (but I barely know her!)
Which knight was the most prudent when it came to inviting young maidens fair to the castle to “come view my etchings”?
Circumspect
he hid them in an exhaust pipe
Remember that stoner kid who was arrested last year for stealing eggs in Petaluma?
He was supposed to go to jail for life but he’s been eggsonerated.
That’s a LOHAS blow below the belt
It has come to my attention (thanks, O for Olaf) that not all the Schploggers know what “LOHAS” is, to which I can only say: if you don’t know what “LOHAS” is yet, feel grateful. Feel very, very grateful.
It will hit your suburban mall soon enough.
LOHAS is a lazy and lousy acronym for “Lifestyles of Health and Sustainability” that describes the self-selecting target market of self-satisfied do-gooder-ey ex-yuppies.
Admittedly it’s a step of from “LOOTE” (”Lifestyles of Obesity and Trashing the Earth”) but it’s a small step.
P.S. What do you call an anti-LOHAS-ian in German?
A Lohasser (get it?)
like, OM my god, it’s totally enlightened
Just when you thought credit card companies couldn’t possibly get any more despicable … now introducing VISA’s tackiest venture yet: the “enlightenment” card.
Vis a vis pure evil …
You can get your Enlightenment Card with a big ole OM on it to make you think that your corporate lenders want to partner with you to help you make spiritual purchases and come to terms with your abundance issues.
Meeting with Guru: $2,800
Experience of inner truth: priceless
There are some things money can’t buy. Everybody who knows this takes Mastercard.
OMMMMMMMM my god
By the way, should you feel the need to mock VISA personally you can visit their site at www.enlightenmentcard.com and if you want an excellent description of what the card is about and why it should be disdained, avoided and generally abhorred please read Tim Boucher’s wise words on the subject. He gives an apt parody of the way large corporations jump on the “LOHAS” (ew, ew, ew) bandwagon.
Oops, it’s a bottomless cup
What kind of tea bestows upon you the ability to see things for what they are?
Clari-tea
She nearly lost her Marples.
Which young damsel was thoroughly stymied by all the odd little things that kept happening to the wisteria vine?
Miss Sterious.
Knighthood is only skin deep
Which knight of the round table was only interested in the superficial?
Surface beauty
